Between Loves (The Pendant Series Book 2) Read online

  We sat in silence, not quite knowing what to say to each other so instead we just stared, both unable to believe that the other was sitting so close. It was like a dream, and it was quite ridiculous. I felt like a nervous school girl on my first prom. That’s how I felt in front of him now, like I was sitting on pins and needles as my stomach gurgled. I had known Ray since our freshman year of high school and we had been the best of friends. We knew each other so well that we could literally have a silent conversation with just our eyes. But now, as I was sitting across from him in this lavish San Francisco restaurant, wearing this costly blue dress, I couldn’t even muster up the courage to ask him to pass the salt.

  I could feel the heat on my flushed face as I nervously tapped the side of my water glass, not quite sure where to place my hands, just knowing I had to keep them busy. I snuck a glance over at him and found that he was staring at me with those intense blue eyes. I shot my eyes back down to the white linen table cloth.

  “What’s the matter, Sid?”

  I stumbled for the right words before I just spit them out. “You make me nervous.”

  Ray tilted his head to the side, looking slightly astonished. “Me?”

  “Isn’t that crazy? I mean we’ve been together forever, but then again it seems like forever ago when I knew you.”

  My analysis made me sad. It was as if by saying it out loud, it made it true. It confirmed the fact that we had become strangers in such a short time.

  “It seems like these days I only know you through your music, which kind of makes me more your fan than anything else, and now I’m sitting across a candlelight dinner in some fancy restaurant with some rock star. Yeah it makes me nervous,” I concluded.

  Ray sat back in the chair with his arms folded, staring at me in disbelief before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. “You can’t be serious, Sid.”

  The pesky hostess returned, no longer wearing her eyeglasses, as if this new look would somehow grasp Ray’s attention. She carried with her a bottle of red wine and a basket of bread. She uncorked it, poured some into the glasses, and let Ray know that our server would be over momentarily.

  Six months ago, I would have become a jealous maniac, demanding that Ray somehow fix the situation. But now, I only felt sorry for the little blonde girl who was making a complete fool of herself.

  I didn’t know if the change in me came from all the growing up I had done, or from the confidence I felt from the way Ray was staring at me. He looked at me as if I were the only girl in the room. Of course there was no reason to be jealous. I held 100 % of his attention. Time spent apart did not alter my feelings for him. If anything, it intensified them. He looked so much better in person than I had ever imagined and the whole thing felt right. The puzzle pieces of my broken life were slowly fitting back together.

  I grabbed my wine glass and quickly downed the contents. I needed something to take off this edge. Ray followed suit.

  He must be just as nervous as I am. I laughed to myself.

  At that point, a pretty, petite girl with dirty blonde hair stepped up to our table. She probably was about my age and gorgeous.

  “Ray Ryker?” she breathlessly asked.

  Ray brought his heavenly blue eyes up to her and smiled his perfect smile as he extended his hand towards her.

  “Oh my gosh,” she gushed, “I can’t even believe that I’m meeting you right now.” She squealed, completely ignoring the fact that she was interrupting dinner with his girlfriend, or whatever the hell I was.

  She was so focused on Ray that I don’t think she ever saw me. Of course Ray was just eating up all of the attention as he signed her napkin and listened to her babble on about her tickets for his show tomorrow night at The Warfield Theater. He promised to look for her in the crowd and they hugged before she anxiously ran back to her group of friends waiting on the other side of the restaurant.

  I looked over at Ray and wanted to slap the stupid look off of his face. I guess I was still that same jealous person I was before. Some things never change.

  “What?” he asked, trying to sound innocent and failing miserably.

  “See? That’s exactly what I mean. You’re no longer Ray, my high school sweetheart, now you’re Ray the hot musician with all sorts of pretty girls throwing themselves at you. I don’t know how to compete with that.”

  “It was just an autograph, Sid,” Ray said quietly, trying not to turn this conversation into a spectacle, adding to the fact that the girls had their cell phones out, trying to snap a picture to capture the memory of their shallow lives.

  The last thing Ray needed was another publicized fight with me. I sat back in my chair, staring at his face, trying hard to read his expression, but I failed. He was Mount Rushmore. The connection we had as kids was non-existent and I was staring at nothing more than a stranger.

  I pointedly asked him, “What would you have done if I weren’t here tonight?”

  Ray gave me a look of confusion. “Not following you, Sid,” he said as he ripped off a piece of French bread and stuffed it into his mouth.

  I clarified for him. “If that girl approached you tonight and I wasn’t here. What do you think you would have done?”

  “I would have signed her autograph.”

  “Then what?”

  Before Ray had time to answer, a nicely dressed waiter approached the table. He was wearing a black pinstriped suit with a matching silk tie. “Good evening. I presume Mademoiselle announced this evening’s special to you?” he asked in his French accent.

  Ray sat forward, ready to take charge. “Yes, she did and we’ll have two of the garlic roasted chicken breast and wild rice specials.”

  The waiter nodded and turned away to get those orders started.

  I gave him a look of surprise. I’d never known Ray to take charge like that and order for me without even asking my opinion. It was kind of hot.

  He shrugged and then smiled at me. “What? I’ve been eating with you every day since our freshman year of high school. Do you really think I don’t know what you like?”

  I returned his smile and realized that no matter how much time we had spent apart, we still knew each other. That was why we were so perfect together. I also couldn’t refrain from being happy that he finally must have given up that ridiculous vegan diet he was on.

  He sat forward again and reached for my hand, but instinctively I recoiled. I could not allow myself to fall back into his trap so easily.

  I sat staring at Ray and asked him again, “After the autograph, what?” and waited for his overdue answer.

  He shook his head in annoyance, grabbed his wine glass, and gulped it down. “There would be no what, just an autograph. Now, can I just have a nice dinner with my girlfriend?”

  Sitting back in my chair to widen the distance between us even further, I countered, “Well, we broke up months ago, in case you’d forgotten.” Then, I pressed him once again, “What would you have done differently with that girl if I wasn’t here tonight?”

  He slammed his glass down on the table and leaned over as far as he could so he was whispering loudly in my ear.

  “Are you asking if I would have invited her back to my hotel? Six months ago, yes, I probably would have, Sid. Once upon a time I would have, but not anymore. I told you that I’m trying to change. I’m trying to move forward with you but you’re always throwing the past back in my face.”

  That one sentence was all it took to destroy the progress of the puzzle that was my life. Nothing’s changed, I thought. Ray still possessed the ability to tear me down to my lowest level and make me cry at a moment’s notice.

  The waiter arrived with our food, placing the dishes down in front of us and then began topping off our wine glasses. We sat in silence, waiting for him to finish before we spoke again. Finally he finished pouring, said, “Bon appetite,” bowed to us and graciously spun around on his heels to wait on the next table.

  But Ray did not continue our conversation. Instead he slowl
y sat back in his chair, picked up his fork, and began eating like nothing had happened. I sat still, trying to control my breathing as I slowly picked up my fork, and began a feeble attempt to force the food down with the wild rice now sticking in my throat.

  It had been months since we last saw each other and now that he was in front of my face, I began to doubt all of the progress that I thought I had made on my own. How could it be possible to get sucked right back down into the spiral of heightened emotions and clouded judgment? I thought I was over him. I thought I had moved on.

  “My parents invited us to church tomorrow morning. Are you available?” he asked me, changing the subject.

  Oh, I guess we’re one big happy family again.

  I reasoned if Ray was able to forgive and forget, his parents would accept me back with open arms. We would all just swing back into our normal routine and forget the fact that Ray had been arrested for slamming my head into a brick wall and let’s all attend church tomorrow.

  I nodded my head yes, since I was too afraid to speak in fear of what might come out. We ate the rest of our dinner in silence as I thought about Adrian’s last words to me earlier that day, “Don’t let him come back this time, Sidney. You deserve better.”

  After dinner we went back to the elegant hotel room that Ray’s manager, Rene, had secured for him for the next week. It was absolutely amazing and I was truly impressed. But I couldn't shake the depression that was now rolling in like a heavy fog on a cold wet morning.

  Ray took my hand and pulled me onto the bed. I sat there, numbly staring at the wall, still too upset to speak to him. He rested his blond head against my shoulder, looking up at me, giving me those sad puppy dog eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Sid. Sometimes you can be so intense and I don’t know how to handle it. I shouldn’t have lost it like that. I know you’re trying but I’m trying too. Sometimes it seems like you forget that part. I love you and I want you back. I know I messed up with Lilly and I’ll be apologizing for that for the rest of my life. I only want to be with you, Sid.”

  He could see by my face that I wasn’t buying it. He got up and walked across the room and took a seat at the massive oak desk.

  “Do you remember when we first met?”

  I nodded, “Yeah, Mr. Roman’s math class freshman year.”

  “Technically that’s when we met, but I noticed you that first day of school in the lower parking lot. You were getting out of your granny’s Toyota Sequoia. Your hair was straight and you were wearing it long, down your back with one of those elastic headband thingies. You were dressed in a pale green cardigan sweater and light blue skinny jeans with those ugly boots that your friends all wore.”

  I was more than a little impressed. “How do you remember that?”

  Ray pointed to his temple. “Because that image of you was seared into my mind forever. You were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I was just some nerdy twerp that hadn’t hit a growth spurt yet. I believed I didn’t stand a chance with you.

  “That day I looked all over the campus for you. Every time I entered one of the classrooms I’d scan the entire area looking for that pale green sweater. Just when I had all but given up, there you were in my same seventh period math class.”

  I chimed in, “That’s when we met.”

  He suddenly looked like he did that first day we met when he added, “Yeah, officially, but like I said, Sid. I loved you before then.”

  His words and the expression on his face hit me hard at that moment. But was it love at first sight? No way.

  I challenged him, “Why did it take you so long to ask me out?”

  We hadn’t started dating right away, not until the summer going into our junior year. Every summer Ray’s family would take a trip up to their cabin outside of Tahoe and on one particular trip, Ray had asked me to join him. I never thought it was strange to be invited on a week-long family vacation with a young man because he wasn’t just any boy; he was my best friend. Granny knew that we were inseparable and so she never blinked an eye when I asked if I could join the Rykers on their trip.

  It was an August night and the day had been excruciatingly hot and we had spent most of our time in the water until the sun had gone down. His sisters and parents had already retreated into the cabin for the night and so it had just been the two of us splashing and laughing.

  Going into our junior year, Ray had changed significantly from a short, scrawny tow-headed boy to a tall, muscular young man. He now stood almost six feet tall with broad shoulders and a strong chest. He was starting to get super-hot, and I wasn’t the only one to notice.

  That was the same summer the boys formed their band. At first, Chrissy and I were their biggest fans but it didn’t take long before Ray had a growing flock of supporters, mostly girls, who were dying to gain his attention.

  When we had finally climbed out of the water and headed back to the family cabin, I had somehow managed to step on a wad of gum that had collected all sorts of debris from the woods, causing me to track it all the way onto the pinewood floors of the cabin.

  I was heartbroken because they were my brand new shoes that I was supposed to be saving for the beginning of the school year, and despite Granny’s warnings, I foolishly wore them to the summer retreat.

  Ray sat on his bed for the next half hour, picking off every piece of sticky gum with a toothpick.

  “Seriously, Sid, it’s like there’s a science experiment growing on the bottom of this shoe.”

  I sat next to him, my chin resting on his shoulder, watching his hands nimbly work to remove the mess.

  I blurted out my opinion on the mess, “Blame your sister. She was the one chomping her big horse mouth on that gum all day. Doesn’t Kendall know what a trash bin is?”

  Finally Ray handed me my shoe as good as new. I was so happy that I threw both of my arms around him and gave him the biggest hug as a smile beamed across my face. I looked longingly into his eyes and before I could say another word he grabbed the back of my head and pulled my face to his.

  We kissed for what seemed like an eternity, causing the entire world to stand still, at least in my mind. At that moment, we were no longer in a tiny cabin tucked away in the woods. There were no longer any shouts and laughter coming from the kitchen where the rest of the family gathered. There was nothing else in the universe that mattered. Instead it was just Ray and me, in our own private world, kissing.

  He and I embraced each other, caressing, touching, and welcoming the scent and emotion that carried back and forth between us. With that first kiss, our worlds merged together, then and forever. Our lips had been so full of passion that it was no wonder we had jumped into a relationship head on and rode it like a pipeline wave.

  “I wanted to kiss you like that for over two years,” he said, bringing me back to reality. “We hung out every day. What took you so long to notice me?”

  I shot back, “What took you so long?”

  He summed himself up honestly, “Did you see me back then? I was like the invisible kid. Not one girl wished and dreamed that I would ask her out. I was the kid that would be her worst nightmare if I asked her to the Homecoming dance.”

  “You took me to the Homecoming dance,” I answered angrily, feeling truly offended.

  He weakly nodded. “Yeah, and you probably went with me out of obligation for our friendship.”

  I shook my head. “I guess none of that stuff matters anymore. I mean, look at you now.”

  “That’s exactly my point, Sid. Back then, before I had a band, I was just Ray Ryker who couldn't get a girl to notice him in the hallways. But now I’m Ray Ryker the lead singer of Unspoken Words. Now, all these girls flock to me, throwing themselves at me and it’s like my alter ego comes out and I’m this ridiculous rock god who just wants to hook up with any hot chick I meet.”

  I winced. Another punch to the gut.

  Feeling how much pain those last words brought me, I grabbed my purse and fumbled around in search for my pain
killers. It looked like I still needed them after all. I simply answered, “I wanted you when you were just Ray Ryker.”

  Ray got up and crossed the room, taking a seat next to me on the edge of the bed. “I know, Sid, and that’s why when I’m with you, I am that guy. I’m that faithful, loving boyfriend that you met in freshman math class.”

  “But you weren’t faithful, and goddammit, you weren’t single, either, Ray. You’re not two different people. You can’t claim to be one person when you’re with me and another when we’re apart. That’s just a cop out to defend the fact that you’re still a selfish jerk!”

  I stood up to leave, realizing that this meeting was a mistake. But he grabbed my wrist and begged me with his eyes to stay.

  After a few moments of silently debating whether I should stay or go. I made the decision to hear him out. But I also decided that I would not so easily put down my guard.

  I took a step closer to him and began, “I think we should just take it slow, maybe remain friends and re-evaluate the situation in a few months.”

  I could see the disappointment wash over his face. I could also see the anger rising in his eyes due to the fact he was not receiving the results he wanted. He whimpered, “Sid. I thought you loved me.”

  I sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. The truth was I did love him. But that was before that fateful night at the bar. And I didn’t want to give Adrian up. I could never leave him when he’d been so supportive to me when I needed him. I stood in Ray’s hotel room rationalizing things in my brain. Even if Ray and I got back together, Adrian and I could still be friends. I wanted to believe that.

  I looked down at Ray who was now hunched over on the bed, running his hands through his blond hair. Finally, he sat up and met my gaze. I was shocked to see that same look he had that night at the bar. Fear began shooting through my soul.

  “You’re still seeing him, aren’t you? That’s why you don’t want to get back together with me.”